No More Kisses.

So i.m sitting here watching South Park thinking about whether or not i want to be with my boyfriend anymore. We.ve been on the verge of breaking up for a long time now, and have actually "broken up" so many times i can.t even count. But everytime he hangs up the phone in my sobbing face, he calls back out of the goodness of his soul and decides to give me another chance. Ofcourse i.m being sarcastic. His clingyness is what brings him back. In fact, it.s happened so many times, i don.t shed a single tear when he leaves. My sadness has been replaced by relief. But like always, he comes clinging back and unfortunately, i have to take him.You see, despite the fact that i.m sick of his constant depression [always having to say "awwww are you ok" a milllion times a day], his insecurities,his jealousy, his possessiveness, his neediness, his wanting to separate me from my family and friends, and his incessant "come on baby [wink wink]," i still care about him. And breaking up with a guy you care about becomes even harder when he.s suicidal and tells you how much he loves you every 5 minutes and how without he has nothing to live for. So in other words, he.s making this really hard. So officially, i.m still his girlfriend and he.s still my boyfriend, but emotionally we.re anything but. I.ve become really emotionally distant from him and he.s noticed. I won.t kiss him anymore or respond to any of his romantic gestures. It.s gotten to the point where i feel uncomfortable doing anything romantic with him. His cute baby voice no longer amuses me, only annoys. I cringe when he tells me " i love you baby" and respond with a simple "i know." Our last break up was a hard one. He said alot of terrible things to me. I wanted to snap and give him a big ol' FUCK YOU. But his emotional blackmail had me sitting there biting my tongue, and i didn.t like it. One thing he said that really got to me was him basically saying "i want a girl that will listen to me and my opinions and won.t make me fucking listen to hers." That...pissed...me...off. I don.t want to be with a guy who claims to care so much about me but is only interested in putting me in a cage and making me listen to his problems and make him feel better with a big piece of tape around my mouth. I know that i don.t want to be with him, but i also know that i still care about him What i don.t know is if i still love him or not. I guess i.ll have to figure that out another day. Till then, i need more juice. Peace.
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