This Isn.t Love

I feel as though i might as well rename this blog my love blog due to the recurring and obvious subject of almost every single one of my posts. I.m almost disgusted with myself. This blog is proof that i don.t have a life anymore. Everything, absolutely everything about my life can be followed back to him. Him, that guy, that ass, that bastard that ruined my life, that is my life. Everything about me must revolve around him, if it doesn.t there.s a problem. I can.t take it any more. I.ve been sitting here trying to manipulate the situation to get him to break up with me, but no more. I am fucking 18 years old and i have just begun to live my life and he.s already taking it away from me. I can.t love my family as much as him because they don.t deserve my love. If someone hurts my feelings i should hate them and love him. He thinks he fucking knows everything but he has no idea. My savior? My fucking savior? Him? I don.t think so. He.s saved me from nothing and taken me away from everything. I.m not myself anymore and i don.t like it. I have to hide who i am, how i really feel from him to make him feel better while i sit here in torment. And when i refuse to do that any longer, i.m "brainwashed." He has no idea. How could i possibly love you more than my family who may piss me off sometimes but still loves, supports, and does almost anything for me, while you only make my life more difficult. I miss the love, the love he gave me when we first met. The boy i fell in love with is gone. He has become a jealous, overbearing and paranoid boy whose "love" is more of an obsession. He.s given me devotion, no doubt about that, but no love, not anymore. To me, love is acceptance. Loving someone despite they.re faults. Accepting them for who they are, not trying to change them into who you want them to be. He thinks that everyone around me has tried to change me, when in reality, it.s him. He wouldn.t believe me if i told him, since i.m brainwashed. He.s bringing me down, and i won.t allow it anymore. I.ve decided and i.ve realized, i don.t love him the same way anymore. He is no longer the boy i fell in love with and i am not the girl he wants. I.m going to leave him. Maybe he.ll leave me. But in the end, we will no longer be together. I won.t allow it. Because this isn.t love.